AS I SEE IT
By Neal A. Shipman
Every day we seem to be barraged by questions. And depending upon who is asking the question, some are easier to answer than others.
For example, when either of my sons asks me if I want to watch the Twins on TV, the answer is relatively easy. However, when my wife asks me where I want to eat when we are out of town, the answer becomes a lot more complicated. Do I answer by telling her where I really and truly want to eat? Or do I answer with the name of the restaurant that I know she want to eat at?
Such is life.
But then there are some questions that seem to be begging for a decent answer. A friend of mine recently emailed me a list of questions that I had no good answer for. So this week I share them with you.
Can you cry under water?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
Why do you have to “put your two cents in”... but it’s only a “penny for your thoughts?” Where’s that extra penny going to?
Once you’re in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
What disease did cured ham actually have?
How is it that we put a man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why is it that people say they “slept like a baby” when babies wake up like every two hours?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Why are you in a movie, but you’re on TV?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They’re going to see you naked anyway.
Why is “bra” singular and “panties” plural?
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
If the professor on Gilligan’s Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can’t he fix a hole in a boat?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They’re both dogs!
If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn’t he just buy dinner?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you. But when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?