Some people are just too quick for me. You know, they have a response ready no matter what you say. And they can just leave you speechless. Which, for me, is a very rare occurrence.
One day last week, a group of us were traveling in eastern North Dakota. And you remember how my eyes are. I have worn glasses for fifty years. Then I had my eyes zapped and I no longer have to wear those thick glasses. I just wear sunglasses, reading glasses, driving glasses, and so forth.
Anyway, we had taken off early in the morning. And I had left my sunglasses in another vehicle. It was a bright and sunny day, so driving into the sun was a little uncomfortable.
We pulled into a fuel station cause I insisted I have an opportunity to buy shades. That’s what cool guys call sunglasses. And you know I am one cool guy. I walked up to this deal with all these glasses on it. There were green glasses, purple glasses, big glasses, small glasses. There were glasses that change color. There were thirty dollar glasses and five dollar glasses. The choices seemed endless.
I glanced over at the counter and there was a dark-haired lady working behind the counter. Chewing gum and looking over the daily news. I think the crossword puzzle. I got her attention, gave her my coolest Dean Meyer look, and said, “I need something to make me look thinner and younger.”
She didn’t even crack a smile and her reply was instantaneous, “Try a girdle!”
That hurt! That really hurt! And I had five friends standing there within hearing distance. I guess people forget that cool guys have feelings too!
Kind of reminds me of the time, I’ve probably mentioned it before, when the veterinarian ran over Uncle Hugh’s cow. The vet had been out at the A.I. pasture vaccinating some calves. Uncle Hugh was a little upset at what this had cost him, cause there had been a substantial increase in the cost over a year. And then some mileage was tacked on. But being a gentleman, Hugh let it slip by without saying a lot.
Then the vet took off for Killdeer, or Dickinson, or wherever. He was heading east on the boat landing road and driving against the sun. A pickup ahead of him had raised a lot of dust and it was darn hard to see. All of a sudden there was a big old yearling in front of the vet. Too late to swerve. Bang! He hit that yearling heifer and knocked her down into the ditch.
Uncle Hugh was right behind the vet and quickly stopped to check the situation over. Hugh and the vet walked down in the ditch and rolled the heifer over. She shook her head, struggled to her feet, and wobbled off across the prairie.
The vet looked at Hugh and quickly said, “She’s going to be alright.”
Uncle Hugh looked at the vet, and with a hint of sarcasm in his voice replied, “If you think it did her any good, I’d be happy to pay you.”