March 18, 2014



I know by the time you get this, my favorite holiday will have come and gone, but it kind of snuck up on me this year.
A Happy St. Patrick’s Day to ya! Ah, tis a wonderful day to be Irish, or married to an Irishwoman. Corned beef brisket and cabbage. A touch of Jameson or a pint of Guiness. Life is wonderful in the springtime.
And that reminds me of an Irish tale.
Seems this Englishman, German, and Irishman were working in the oil fields in Saudi Arabia and got to drinking one night. As they became inebriated they forgot that drinking is illegal in Saudi Arabia and went out on the town. They were quickly gathered up and threw in lockup until their hearing.
At the hearing the judge sentenced each of them to thirty lashes. Tough sentence. Then the judge explained that since they were foreigners they could request to have something placed on their back before the whipping commenced.
The Englishman went first. He gave it a lot of thought and requested linseed oil. He took his punishment, screaming and whimpering, and was carried to the plane on a stretcher.
The German went next. When asked what he wanted on his back, he told them nothing. He sneered at his captors as they whipped him thirty times. He spat at them as they unlashed him. He grinned and swore at the guards as they led him away from the whipping post.
The guards turned to the Irishman and asked what he would like on his back. He quickly replied, “the German!”
Paddy had been at the pub too long again. And the missus was getting a little tired of it. So Shirley (I don’t know where I came up with that name) decided that she would scare the living daylights out of Paddy that night. So she rented a devil’s costume and hid in a cemetery along the path home.
Paddy left O’Flynn’s and staggered down the cobbled path towards home. As he passed the cemetery he heard an awful scream and the devil jumped up in front of him.
“Padrick Sean Murphy, for drinking and sinning I’ve come to take you to hell with me!”
Paddy squinted his eyes and replied, “Well, who might you be laddy?”
Shirley replied in a deep voice, “I’m the devil.”
Paddy stuck out his hand, staggered a little, and replied, “Pleased to meet ya laddy! I’m married to your sister!”
An Irish Blessing… “May those who love us love us;
And for those who don’t love us,
May God turn their hearts.
And if He can’t turn their hearts,
May He turn their ankles;
So we’ll know them by their limping.