June 23, 2015



Those of you that see me on a regular basis know that I am somewhat of a trendsetter when it comes to dress. In the fifties (the 1950s), I set the pace with cuffs on my overalls. I was one of the first to use Butch wax to get that cool-looking hair. I led the way when it came to sideburns and Elvis combed-back hair. I went from a butch, to Elvis, and to a Beatle haircut in a few formative years. I had western shirts with yokes and snaps. I had bell-bottoms and flowers in my hair. I’ve always been cool.
Now, it seems I am doing it again, without even trying. As I am getting older, it seems the gravitational pull of Earth is winning me over. I am no longer a strapping six-two. I’ve gone downward and outward. And the thing I am noticing is that it is harder to hold my pants up! I mean you can suck that gut in, cinch that old belt up, and lo and behold, in a bit those Wranglers are sliding down.
Since I am no longer dating, I do tend to let them slide to a point that I probably shouldn’t. And I seldom shave unless there is a wedding or a funeral to attend. The ear and nose hair, well, we won’t even go there. And I find faded jeans with holes in them are more comfortable, and since I am not running for a political office, what the heck.
And I have started to notice a lot of young people with their pants just about to drop down to their ankles. Many are wearing shorts and jeans that are faded and full of holes. Now I know there can’t be that many people that have recently been building barb wire fences or spilled battery acid on them. And I know since the holes are not on the thighs, they have not been hauling little square bales by hand. There cannot possibly be that many farm kids that are wearing worn-out hand-me-downs.
Now, I’m sure some of you remember when you wouldn’t wear a thing like that. We used to use Tehr-grease to glue canvas on our hay hauling jeans so they wouldn’t get holes in them. Now, it seems you want holes in your jeans. Damn. I can’t figure it out.
And they tell me people pay more for overalls with holes in them! Really! They pay more for overalls with holes already in them!
Now, what really set this column off is headwear. I just bought a new hat. A Stetson. Cause I’m a cowboy. And I didn’t go look for one that was completely smashed up and full of holes like a country western singer. I never could figure that out. You see these bands and singers come on TV with worn-out clothes and a smashed-up straw hat that wouldn’t look good on Shirley raking hay (which by the way she will be doing this week if the weather straightens out). Cripes, if I were going to play in the band at halftime at a Berthold ball game, my mother wouldn’t have let me dress like that. And I thank her for that. And thank you George Strait for wearing a decent hat.
Anyway, the day I buy this new hat I run into a friend. And I am telling him the outrageous price I paid for this hat. Trust me, they are no longer $30. And I figure he would be impressed. Nope. Wrong. Because he was wearing a new baseball cap he had just gotten from a local business. A new cap. And listen to this. The new cap came with frayed holes on the brim and holes in the crown! It came that way.
Now I am just wondering what he would pay if I would put sweat stains on it for him.