October 28, 2009



You know, I got to thinking yesterday. And Shirley always warns me about this. She is absolutely right that nothing good has ever come from it, but sometimes I just can’t help it.
North Dakota is sitting there with a little extra cash. And the legislature is in a quandary on how to handle it. Some want to save it. Some want to give it back. Some want to wave it at other states and go “na-na-na.” Shirley wanted to study building an oil refinery in the state. Just because we get less for our oil, and pay more for gas. None of these ideas really strike me as good.
I want to buy a football team! Really! Like Green Bay fans own the Packers. We should take the money and buy a football team. Oh, I know you naysayers will say we don’t have enough people to make it work. Well, we don’t have to keep the team here! We could buy one that has people around it.
And here is the clincher. We don’t have to hire a coach. We do it. Just like we legislate. We manage the team with initiated measures and referrals! If we don’t like the way the operation is going, bam, we change it. If the general manager is not drafting right, bang, we send him down the road.
We have interim coaches. We have four divisions in high school football. So we give each champion coach a fourth of the season. Currently, they get to coach an all-star team. In the future, they would coach “our” team for four games. We could have Fridley, Gordon, and a host of others that have proven their ability over the years.
All those washed-up athletes that currently play fantasy football could really be involved. They could text each other and suggest players and plays that should be in at certain times of the game. They probably wouldn’t throw the ball three times and then kick a field goal when it is first and goal from the one. If we bought the Vikings, we darn sure could improve the play calling.
And here is the real clincher. We could change the name. A lot of the lawyers in the state are mad because of the NCAA making us dump the “Fighting Sioux” moniker. They are real concerned that they will have to learn new words to the songs they sang around the keg while studying law at UND. Like where I learned, “We’re the Mighty Bison, and we don’t….” You see what I mean. That kind of education can carry you a long way!
We graduate the name to the new team! We could have the Washington “Fighting Sioux.” That would solve a couple problems. At least it would get rid of their current name. Maybe they’re not for sale, but I think they are already operating their coaching with a plan much like mine. Maybe we could partner with the current owner. I bet he’d like my idea!
Now, I haven’t researched this a lot. But I am sure we could buy a pretty good team for a few hundred million. Couldn’t cost a billion. I don’t think so anyway. I want you to contact your legislators and get this deal rolling. Or start circulating a petition. I’ll start checking on a team for sale!